Bobby Barrington explores the profound journey of personal reinvention, emotional intelligence, and radical authenticity, revealing how embracing one's truth can unlock fulfilment, resilience, and a life powerfully lived beyond societal constraints.
Welcome to Inclusion Bites, your sanctuaryfor bold conversations that spark change. I'm Joanne Lockwood,your guide on this journey of exploration into the heart ofinclusion, belonging and societal transformation.Ever wondered what it truly takes to create a world? Remember, everyonenot only belongs, but thrives. You're not alone.Join me as we uncover the unseen, challengethe status quo and share storeys that resonatedeep within. Ready to dive in? Whether you'resipping your morning coffee or winding down after a long day, let'sconnect, reflect and inspire action together.Don't forget, you can be part of the conversation too. Reach outto jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.ukto share your insights or to join me on the show.So adjust your earbuds and settle in. It's time toignite the spark of inclusion with Inclusion Bites.And today is episode 199with the title Resilience Through Reinvention. And I havethe absolute honour and privilege to welcome Bobbi Barrington.Bobbi is a wisdom speaker and coach who championspersonal reinvention, emotional intelligence andbuilding inclusive spaces where authenticity thrives.When I asked Bobbi to describe her superpower, she said that histransformation through truth, she's able to turn fearinto fuel and pain into power. Hello, Bobbi,welcome to the show. Hey, Joanne, what a delight to
Bobbi Barringtonguest
meet you again. It's a year since we met in London.We did. We had lunch at the Union Jet Club just by Waterloo Station. And
Joanne Lockwoodhost
yeah, it was fascinating to meet you because you were on a bit of atour of the UK to sort out some legacy, legal andasset realisation, I believe, at the time. And, yeah, I. Well, Ihad months or so. I had a house to sell in the uk,
Bobbi Barringtonguest
which. Which subsequently done. But I was also. Imet you through the PSA in London, you know, the ProfessionalSpeakers association, as a speaker myself, you know, so. And I'd been inFrance and I went to the French version of the psa. I'd also beento the Olympics and was travelling alone throughEurope, through the UK and having a wonderfultime. It was just the best time and I was so happy. Now I'm backin Australia. I'm on the Sunshine coast inQueensland in the Sunshine State andin a thunderstorm. In a thunderstorm. Well, it's. Well, it is like8:30 now. PM. Yeah.
Joanne Lockwoodhost
So you had sun during the day and you got rain at night? Well, that's
Bobbi Barringtonguest
right. You know, it's quite warm, 30 odd degrees here at the momentand quite humid, so it's not for everyone.
Joanne Lockwoodhost
But I love it do you get real impressivefork lightning and big, big lightning bolts too. Well, I guess
Bobbi Barringtonguest
so. Last night they were like above the cloud, so I didn't really see that.But what I am seeing though is,and your listeners will love this is a fewsnakes, bunch of cane toads. I saw a foot longpraying mantis the other day. Wow,
Joanne Lockwoodhost
that's. It's like a sci fi movie. They could eat your dog, couldn't it?
Bobbi Barringtonguest
It was just huge, you know, so there are the odd insects here, butmostly it's. It's pretty good. I've seen some videos on Facebook around
I wouldn't really know. I. I removed it to a safe placeand they let it carry on its life somewhere else.
Joanne Lockwoodhost
Okay. Yeah, yeah. You don't want to put your foot in its way or something.Yeah. It's not nibbling your toes off. No, no.So you're back in Oz, you're based in Brisbane now andyou're a speaker and a coach.
Bobbi Barringtonguest
So I'm an hour and a half north of Brisbane. I'm on the coast andI'm a professional speaker, a motivational speaker. I'm acoach. I am about to start creating events. Well, I'vecreated a few small events this year, but you know, mostly,mostly what lights me up is helping peopleto see new possibilities where previously theycouldn't. This is a reflection of my owntransformation and four, just four years ago. So I, Iam a trans woman and I have changedeverything. I have changed my body, I've changed mywhole life. I've changed. I've moved interstate,you know, just moved into a new house. Everything is absolutely new forme. And I am 66 years old nowand I have never been younger, happier.I'm working on getting fitter, having just started playing pickleball, which isa lot of fun. And I now as a single woman,I am divorced. I've lost my family, I've lost my marriage, I'velost dreams that I once had. But I am so free and so happywith who I have become and buildingtrust in myself. And I was on a speaking trip around Australia,
Bobbi Barringtonguest
going from community to community speaking, goingin front of audiences and sharing my truth, sharing mymessages, sharing my wisdom. And this was not the methat I used to be. You know, I used to be shyand introverted and not want to stand out orattract attention. And now here I am, six foot tall with purple hairand I stand in front of people. And I speak. And I speak becauseI think what I have to say is important. And I thinkthat, you know, like, my message isn't about gender,but my gender is part of the storey, part ofmy storey to my womanhood. And everybody has their ownstorey. And one storey is not better than another. Justour storeys. And this just happens to me, mine.What choice have I got to run with it? You know,I'm a woman. So doing a bit of mathematics, from what you just said,
Joanne Lockwoodhost
this all occurred 4.4and a bit years ago. So thatwould have been 60, 61 years old.
Bobbi Barringtonguest
Yeah. 60. Yeah. Yeah. See, that must have been a
Joanne Lockwoodhost
lot of soul searching, a lot of thinking about this, thatwhat was the moment you realised that this was necessary for you? So
Bobbi Barringtonguest
unlike others that Iread about and people that I know who have children whohave known when they were 2 or 5 or 11 or something like that, itwasn't me. It wasn't until I waslike my late 40s that I just started feeling differently about myselfand my body. But Ididn't know any trans people. Ididn't. It hadn't been. I hadn't met anyone until, evenuntil I was on the journey, you know, and until. Until I was really atthe point of starting to, you know, get proper medical attention. That was thefirst time I started meeting trans people. So it was not part of my lifeat all. It was something intern me that happenedgradually, over a decade or so, andit was like little steps, little steps, little steps, little steps of feeling.But during that time, I didn'thave any kind of sense that this was the reality that I would create.One of the things I speak about is creating your own destiny, creatingyour own reality. And there are many facets to that.Much of it is mental, you know, and. And you,you know, like by creating your own reality through changing yourbeliefs and changing your attitudes and the way that you show up inthe world. But part of it is actually the physical. Creating the physical reality
Bobbi Barringtonguest
of myself, you know, and I had. I had no sense thatthis would be my reality. And there was a point, I think a pointwhere it was really started to become a possibilitywas when I saw a counsellorwho parted a curtain for me and let me see avision of who I could become. And I hadthis form, this dream of a woman onthe beach in a swimsuit, hair fall down, falling down hershoulders, you know, just as a woman I was meant to be. Butthat was such a scary vision. That was like, oh, my God.Stepping out into public. And I rememberI didn't want to be one of these women who looked likea man, you know, and you know how when men havelong hair and it's all messy and looks like a guy with long hair,you know, and that was my vision. I don't want that either, you know, andit's not that now. But there was atransformational week. There was one week when everything shiftedand it was the week that I saw the counsellor, I saw a psychiatrist,I got the sign off to hormones endand suddenly I could go into the women's section andhave permission to shop in the women's section because Iknew that was now my pathway. I didn't know what the path looked like,you know, like from the years from then on.But that was really a turning point. Were you married? Were you still
Joanne Lockwoodhost
married at this point? I was. So that. That must have been a.A tricky time, having been through this myself.It was a horrible time's an understatement. It was a horrible time.
Bobbi Barringtonguest
It was the worst time, you know, like. And not. And not, you know, thegender for me was. So I lived in the UK for a longtime. I lived in London for like 25 years andcame back to Australia in 2013 andeverything fell to bits and it was so difficult.The gender stuff was like an extra thing tocope with, like our maritalrelationships, the money situation,trying to be a good parent and caring for my children.And it was just such a difficult time andone of the hardest times of my life. And I didn't know howtell my family about the gender side of things. Andthey were like the last people I told. I just didn't know how to. Howto say that until the end. And I left and I movedinterstate and I went and cared for my mum, who was. Who had got dementiaby then. And that was during COVID So I spent a couple of years duringCOVID living in our family home and she was in care.And then in due course she passed away in 2022.And that was when I left South Australia, Adelaide, where Iwas, and moved to Brisbane, you know, to start a new life in a newbody in a new part of the world. There's such a growth, suchpersonal growth to do this. So now I'm a coach and Icoach people through change. I coach people interms of finding new possibilities at any point througha decision, navigating our way through the pain and theemotions and the grief of moving away from what was and embracingwhat can Be. And when you
Joanne Lockwoodhost
look back your life, are there. Are there moments in time, you know,going back, you know, 66 years old, going back over the last 50. 60,70. Well, 66 years old. Are there times you look back andthink, actually, that was a sign? Or,or is it. Was it a completeepiphany when it came, when it hit you, or was theresigns? You asked me this question last year, actually, and
Bobbi Barringtonguest
because, because you felt, I think you were a little astonished thatI. I didn't know until so much later. Butlooking back in retrospect. Absolutely, there areclues. There are clues about my femininity, abouthow I held myself, about how I, you know, likethere were parts of mypersonality that were conditioned, you know, through my,you know, my father was an alcoholic and growing up, it was an emotionally, youknow, challenging, difficult household. And Ikept myself safe byprotecting myself, by not standing out, not stickingmy head out, you know, people pleasing those things. And.
Bobbi Barringtonguest
So that thread was running through my life until now,but also the gender side,you know, like, I look back now and I, and I, and I even lookat my figure, my figure has always been feminine.And in the past, it was stuff that I gotcriticised for, you know, like childbearing hips, gotthat, you know, like pinhead pigeon chest. You know, theseare like slights that people had directed at me through my life, which nowhave become assets to me, you know, because they create thephysical, the feminine body that I have, you know. AndI remember when I was in the. I was in the army in my early20s, and we would go. I could go andbuy secondhand jungle greens from thedisposal stores, and I remember buying a pair that had been awoman's. And because the, you know, the, the waistseam had been tapered in, you know, I remember really likingthat, you know, but. But looking back in those days, you know, yougo to parties, you wear fishnets or something like that, you know,guys do that stuff too. So actually drawing the line between what is,you know, just a fun thing for a guy or one or something that hasmore meaning. Meaning for me. Hard to differentiate.But, you know, just. Just looking back at my life, I can see lots ofclues, you know, but I had no role models, noexamples, and I just accepted who I was for, you know, most ofmy life. What sort of things have. Have positively surprised you in
Joanne Lockwoodhost
the last six years or even the last sixmonths? What surprised you aboutembracing this new you? Women. Women are
Bobbi Barringtonguest
extraordinary. I love my girlfriends.I love. I'll tell you what, like So I spent like 60 years as aman and now six years as a woman. Right? Andso that 60 years of living witha man'semotional, you know, the, the way menhandle emotions traditionally, you know, like and, and bottle itup and suppress it and pretend it doesn't exist,you know, apparently, apparently most people can only name threeemotions. They're happy, sad and pissed off, you know, but, but,and, and in with my friends, we neverwould talk about emotions. We would never haveused the vocabulary, the emotional vocabulary, you know. Andnow in my life, I amsurrounded with women who are evolved in theiremotional intelligence and their maturity. And in thesecircles and in these containers, we can talk aboutemotions without shame or judgement or being made wrong oranything like that. And it's so healthy, is so healthy,and it has helped me grow so much because thejourney of going from where we are to where we wantto go is a journey of the emotions. Because it'slike fear of the unknown, anxiety.Like, I used to catastrophize about, like, everything in my life.I would make up futures that frightened me and I'd made themup, you know, but the fright was an emotional thing, you know, AndI've had this scarcity mindset all my life and it's never becauseI've not had stuff or resources. It's because I fearednot having stuff. And it's an emotion. The emotions is
Bobbi Barringtonguest
the most important thing. And thething about my transition is that I have becomea person who is emotionally intelligent,has personal power, has a capacity torespond rather than react, has so muchstrength. And it's not through transitioning, butit's. Transitioning gave me access to a worldof women where we can talk about emotions. And in atime of, like, gender violence, there's a lot of genderviolence going on around the world in Australia. It's like a big problem also.And I feel I have something to say about thatto men, about being more emotionally vulnerable,because it is a conditioned thing, you know, is not innate tomen or women. And me, you know, I am the exampleof what is possible when you change theculture, when you change the environment, when you change, you know, thebeliefs and expectations within which I live.It's extraordinary, you know, like I. It's interesting.
Joanne Lockwoodhost
It's interesting when you talked about emotional intelligence that how, just to paraphrase what you'resaying, I believe what you're saying was you've become more in tune withyour own emotional intelligence since than you ever had in your previouslife. 100%, a million percent.
Bobbi Barringtonguest
Like it's off the scale,you know, like, like I have grown so much, you know,and it's not just because, it's also because as a coach,I've also been in this world, you know, I have qualifications in NLP andyou know, hypnotherapy and timelinetherapy and things like that, you know, so. So I've been immersed in this worldof personal growth and human design actually hasbeen, you know, quite interesting for me as well. But, butlike this me at 66 who isstarting all over again. I lost a tonne of money, I'mhaving to rent. I wouldn't have, I wouldhave needed to rent. But you know, like, this is where I am, you know,and I'm a single woman and I'm starting again in a new life andit's possible, you know, like other people are retiring at my age. I'm justbeginning. And it's so exciting, you know, like thisnew world, this aliveness, this fun, thisplayful me, you know, not becauseof stuff outside of me, but because of the self trustand the growth that I've created within me. Yeah. And like mytransition was the gateway to all of this. All of this.Yeah. It's just. What scares you?Dying unfulfilled. So what does fulfilment look like? Well, this is a verygood question. Yeah. You know, like, and thisis actually something that's come up for me in, you know, recent, recent days reallyactually about. About what drives me, youknow, like, and I've wanted, I've always wanted to beworthy and to matter and attaching resultsto mattering. You see what, see what I mean?And it's just been a new growth for me tolet go of me mattering because I already matter.And my message mattering. My message is what's important. Mymessage of possibility, my message of you canreinvent your life at any point with a decision. Mymessage that the realities that you live undermay not be your truth, it might be someone else's storey that you'reliving. And that is what Ido as a coach. I question, I ask clever questions.I help to shift beliefs. I help to.I help to show people, help people see what they can't see forthemselves. To unlock the grip on a realitythat may not be a truth. And little by little, finger byfinger, there you go. Maybe it's not the truth after all.Maybe there's another truth that serves me better.
Joanne Lockwoodhost
Because when you're at that point where you're gonna metaphoricallypush a button because you can't unsay I'm, bythe way, I'm trans. You've kind of said it, you kind of, it's a verybinary switch. You tell people what was going through your mind at that point. Youknow, you, you've obviously been thinking about this for at least a coupleof years at this time. You've obviously been for a test drive.You've been for. You start thinking about it, you've sat downwith people who you love or you've sat down with people who you havemutual respect for and you have to share this news. What'sthe fear going through your mind at that point? So my biggest fear was with
Bobbi Barringtonguest
my sister and my brother in law because they,their relationship to me mattered the most.And absolutely there were fears. But alsofor me it was like a no brainer, it was a done deal,you know, like fear or no fear. It was something that was happening.And at that point I was on the journey, I was on hormonesand you know, like electrolysis and stuff like that. You know,there was a whole project plan in place at that point. Yeah. And then I,I just, I just went for it. I posted on Facebook and said,
Bobbi Barringtonguest
you know, this will surprise people, but I'm actually a woman andimportant ways always have been. And nobody saw that, youknow, but, but at the same time they hadn't seen the sadness that I'dlived for such a long time, you know, the fright that I'dlived under for such a long time, you know, and they, you know, I've justbeen writing a, you know, a webpage today about this, you know,about the living, living a life of less than.Living a life of settling for not good enough, living a lifeof inauthenticity. Andat what cost? You know, likethe cost to not just me, but the costto the people who get affected by me now.Like this me who shows up as anauthentic, happy look, the way I impact theworld now is like a million times more, morepowerful, important than the way I used to impact the world. The cost,you know, and I think about the, the cost to me, the cost tomy family, my community of me beinginauthentic versus the benefit of me beingexcited and happy and lit up and sharing that with the world withmy energy and my words and my messages like you do, you know,like you speak, you know, like youare an important person, you know, who has messages to share, youknow, like, and the cost of you suppressingyourself, like, how can we calculate that?But it's not about gender. It's about everybodywho settles for a version of themselves thatis less than, that is mediocre, that is less thanthe fullest expression of who they are. I think I can't. Sothere's hardly anything more important than encouragingothers should they wish to becomethe fullest version of who they're meant to be, for themselves, for their family,for their communities, for the world, showing them. I think I look back
Joanne Lockwoodhost
on my life and I was never unhappy. I was never.Most people would say I was living life to the full. I was certainlyKurt Cobain said, if you're not living life on the edge, you're taking up toomuch room. So I was definitely the life andsoul of my world, often the one thatpeople used to frown at and tut at, because I was probably a bit toopartyish and a bit too outrageous and a bit too, bit toome. I thought I was Max. I think what happened when I gendertransitioned, I recalibrated the ceiling. I realisedthere's actually 20% of me that I never knew and Igrew into that. So I've gone from being having a great life to having abetter life or a better unconstrained life. And it's a lot ofthe traits I used to have, the outrageousness and thepartying, all those things have fallen by the wayside. So I think what I wastrying to do was I was in the search for something more and I couldnever find it. And now the transitioning was the thing thatunlocked that attic room in my house ofliving and said, look, you've got all this extra space, you don't need that stuffin the basement anymore. Amazing. On my website I put
Bobbi Barringtonguest
opening minds, unlocking potential,and that's kind of what you're describing. ButI also feel that that is the reality for most people.I feel that there is so much potential to unlock, but it'sconstrained by limiting beliefs and judgement and other people'sopinions and shame and storeys, you know, thestoreys and worldviews that we believe. And that's my job, you know,just to shine light, open, you know, unlock that hand alittle bit, you know, And I'm sort of like.
Joanne Lockwoodhost
Many, many women who are probably in their 50s, early60s, who have discovered thatthey're ready for a second life. They've done family, the children are grown up,the career, they don't want to go back to that old job in a companysomewhere, and they want to find their best life. So I think it's not, it'snot just us as gender diverse trans people. Yeah.As you say, other people, women say. I've had an. I don't want to justgo back to being mum or this.My time is now. I am just releasing something
Bobbi Barringtonguest
through my website or, you know, through. And if people wantto DM me, then it's called how to Feel AliveAgain. And it's a, it's a, it's a short courseand, you know, series of questions on feeling alive Again.You know, it's a guided process. So if people want tomessage me about that and I can get the linkover. Amazing. Feel alive.One of my highest values is aliveness. I love it in people,you know, when the lights are on and lit up because they're excited,you know, and life should be exciting. Not a burden,not an ordeal. Yeah.
Joanne Lockwoodhost
Stuff that we talked earlier. I don't know if we talked earlier in the greenroom. We talked earlier when we were recording, but we talked about this, this boxthat we're living in. And society wants to constrain us bygiving us labels and definitions. And the close we get to the edges of thoselabels and definitions, people want to shutus back into the box. Stop that. You're not allowed to do that. You're notallowed to do that. You've got to be one of these in this box. Everybodyfeels that pressure at some point. You talked about this, this being embracing radicalauthenticity, that authenticity of realisingthat box is a constraint. Andit's not like you got a puppy and you need to put it. You needto put yourself in a crate every night. This is the thing that's holding youback. It's knowing how to get out of that. Well, we can't see what we
Bobbi Barringtonguest
can't see. And this is why coaches areso important in our world. People who can shine lights onbeliefs and behaviours and habits that you don't even notice that you're doing.And like, just because you are a coach doesn't mean you can see any betterthan anyone else. So my, my transformation, I,I tell you what really happened. I hadtransitioned and I was in the process of transitioning in my gender and it hasbeen. Been a journey. AndI used to say that I'd had two transitions. One
Bobbi Barringtonguest
was my gender and one was my mindset and that the gender was the easyone and it was all done and dusted. I've recently discovered thatit's not been quite as cut and dried as that because I've hada few self acceptance issues. Come up todo with my new life vis a vissex as a woman. This is a newpathway, a new discovery for me. And toutingmyself as a trans woman vis a vissex and inviting judgement andcriticism, you know, that that was an edge for me. That wasa big edge. And by and large I have beensurprised and happy with the response that I've had to that.And you know, there are these guys in my life who I thought wouldrun away and haven't. So that is amazing, you know, butmy other transition is the mindset transition in. When I came backto Australia in 2013, I spent six years, those sixvery unhappy years, trying to. Trying to make money, build businesses,by and large, not very successfully.And then I left my family, I moved interstate and I tried to run somedifferent kinds of businesses. Again, not very successfully.Just didn't know how to solve my problem. And so I hadlearned through my career in accountancy,in project management, in business analysis, a certainway to navigate the world through control andlike learning more, doing more, forcing,pushing harder, and the strategies that had got me towhere I was financially, I was making no money. And I wasso frightened. And I had 30,000 emailsunanswered. I had a pile of letters unopened. I had my phonepermanently on mute because I was a frightened of the tax department. And Ididn't. Didn't know how to get out of my problem. I couldn't seethe problem because I was in the problem. I was theproblem. And I reached out for a coachand it wasn't my first coach, I've done this before, but.
Bobbi Barringtonguest
And I reached out and she got me to stop all the doing andstart being, stop all of thecontrolling and start trusting and to go sit on ahill and do absolutely nothing at all and not think or reador listen to podcasts or ebooks.And all of a sudden these ideas started coming up for meand all of my can't, because I was living in a world of can't,I can't do this because. And they turnedinto cans. And she said, you know whatlights you up out of all of these possibilities? And I said, I think Iwill have more of an impact with what I say than with what I do.And then speaking came back into my life. Aspeaker coach came back into my life. And that was thepoint that I discovered what on earthwas my passion, why was I on the planet?And this me, what I talk about, what I mentioned,you know, other things, this is why I'm here. And Iknow this, and being certain about it has madeall the difference. And I've just run with this forthe last four years and grown and done my NLP stuff and,and been like neck deep in emotions andemotional regulation and nervous system regulation. And thisis, you know, like 60, 60 something yearsof living life one way and now all of a sudden, who knew?Who knew there was this other way to live life? Oh myGod. I know it. It's actually
Joanne Lockwoodhost
incredible once you, you realise that this other lifehas been sitting there all along and it was yours for the taking,but you were being held back by limiting beliefs, fear, whateverit may be. I had no idea. No
Bobbi Barringtonguest
idea. And there are other lives other than this. You know, they're like.It's a journey of exploration.Every day is a new edge, a new growth, a new.I contemplate a lot. I contemplate a lot.Like, I don't know if any of you listeners knowhuman design, but I have a gate which is called Gate 34, which isthe gate of power. The shadow of that gateis forcing. The gift is strength and the city ismajesty. And these are beautiful words.And there's an access point for me to contemplate. What am Iforcing? Where am I forcing my life to be theway that I think it should be? What could it be likeif I let go of that need for it to be a certain way andjust trust that it will be perfect? You know, this, this,you know, like. So I'm always contemplatingthese aspects of me and how I. I went intoTK Maxx. You have TK Maxx over, over there as well? Yeah, we have TK
Joanne Lockwoodhost
Maxx. Yeah. And I went in there yesterday. My friend said, you know, she really
Bobbi Barringtonguest
loves TK Maxx. And I went in there and I thought, this is a bittrashy. Not my kind of store at all. You know, this is not. I
Joanne Lockwoodhost
hate it personally, but yeah. This is not, in your
Bobbi Barringtonguest
vernacular, Harvey Nicks.
Joanne Lockwoodhost
No, it's just rifledrails of disorganised chaos. You know, it's toounstructured for me. I want. I want neatness and tidiness,but every time I go in there, it's like. It's like aswarm of a locust of sort of attack around. Everything's everywhere.Yeah, it's like I can't deal with it. I want nicecolour coded stuff. Yes, this is exactly
Bobbi Barringtonguest
my point because I went in there too and I thought garish lighting,clothes on racks, you know, like trashy stuff inthe shelves. And she Said, what did you think? And,and she said, what? TK Maxx is, is a place for, you know, like mainbrands, you know. To, you know, you end of
Joanne Lockwoodhost
line returns type stuff, isn't it? Yeah, you can get the good stuff at
Bobbi Barringtonguest
less than the good stuff price sort of thing like that. And yet myfilter, I didn't see that because my filterdidn't let me because it was seeing the garishness, theunstructuredness, not the colour codedness, the garish light stuff.And I had allowed, and I had allowed those thatworldview of yeah, I'm a classy chick,I like a classy chick shop, you know, I'll shop at Chanel, you know,I'll shop at Harrods or whatever, you know, and maybe not Harrods,Selfridges, I love Selfridges, you know, but, but,but like, like these are beliefs about our world that are nottruths. And just like this mirror abouthow can I see this in a different way with differentlens? And I do this all the time, all thetime, you know, like, oh my God, how do I think that does thatserve me to not see, youknow, the deal that's on offer because my filter preventsme from actually seeing it at all, you know, does that make sense? Probably just
Joanne Lockwoodhost
the way your brain's tuned. Your brain likes whilst it can live inchaos, it doesn't want chaos all the time. It needs a bit of order andstructure. Well that's true, that's true. But
Bobbi Barringtonguest
that's my unconscious mind and it's not a truth. Ican. Together she and I, we can createa different worldview. We can, you know, as soon as there's anykind of change, needs awareness first. So thatmirror, that awareness ofhow I'm. Then I can question it, then I can change it or not.And unhappy. But every friggin aspect of my life, there'sa question mark around it and it's a really.I said, you know, I love it and I hate it at the same timeactually. I love it because I love the growth. I love that it stretches meto become a different person. I love this,this adventure, you know, like I've, I've travelled the world but themost exciting adventure I'm finding is in my head. Let me ask you a two
Joanne Lockwoodhost
part question. What surprised you that hasbecome surprised that is really difficult about Abeing a woman and B you being a trans woman.So a woman first. What surprised you that is more difficult as awoman and what makes it doubly difficult being trans? I Don't think
Bobbi Barringtonguest
I find anything more difficult as a woman.And I say that because I don't live or workin an environment where there is agender bias, you know, so I work formyself. I don't even find itwhen I. When I speak with people. I've hardly hadexperiences of bias. Like,I went to. Things like, weird things happen. Like, I went to buy a.
Bobbi Barringtonguest
I had a bodyboard, you know, and it needed a new string on it. AndI went into the shop and it had this plug thing and it was toolong and needed to be cut off. And the lady said, you know, have yougot someone at home who can do that for you? You know, And I'm.And I. And that surprises me, like, to have that kind offeedback, you know, like. Or even where. Where I'm living here, there's agarage and it's got these wooden frames and Ican see they've just got, like, screws into the walls and I can easily whipthem out. And the lady showing me said, you know, you don't have to dothat. You know, get someone else to do that. You know, like. And I've. AndI've always done stuff like that. I'm very handy and I'm still handyand. But people don't expect me to be handy, you know, so it's not achallenge. It's just. Or even carrying heavystuff, you know, a gas bottle or a car battery or something like that, youknow, like. And people will offer to cover, carry it for me. And this hasnot been my experience and I would always have done that. And Isay, fine, no problem, you know, and I like to receivethat gift, like, to allow them to give thatgift as well. And I feel it would be churlish for me to,you know, stomp my little feet and say, I can do it, I canopen my own door, whatever. I love also that, you know, like,so I'm 66 and I look like I'm 47. People say,and I'm. Until they see my behaviour and they think I'm 20. But no, Ilove. I dress. And so I goto a nightclub and I have the expectation ofa person who has been socialised to expectto be let in with the Personaand visually of a chick in a little blackdress. And I feel like I have this transcendent gender.I can kind of navigate both of these things.Such a buzz in that sense.But your other question, what you're saying. Yeah, so what you're saying there. I've
Joanne Lockwoodhost
noticed that myself where you people wantto help you more. And also I sometimes lean intoit deliberately thinking, well, okay, you offer me help. You want to do that? I'llgo, oh, would you? Oh, that's lovely. Thank you. I've been on the LondonUnderground with my bag. I run a lot of training courses in London, makingthis massive, great big bag, weighs about seven or eightkilos. It's really heavy up and down the stairs in the Underground. I've had peoplecome up to me and say, let me take that for you. I go, okay,thank you. I get to the top. And I said, really, reallyappreciate that. Thank you. I've had people carry a case up the stairs at theUnion Jack Club where we met in London. That's quite steep stairs. Yeah.I lean into it. Now, I don't see as a sign of weakness. I seeit as a sign of. Actually, I'm 60 years oldmyself. I'm no spring chicken. So if a young, fit person wants tocarry my bag, as an older person, that's fine, and as a woman, that's fineas well. And to be able to receive that
Bobbi Barringtonguest
is not as common as we might think. Youknow, like, when, like, compliments. I havenever had anything like, as many compliments in mylife as I have had as a woman. It's just likeI walk out the door and people say, I love your hair. I love yourdress. I love, you know, something like that. Never as a man would I havehad that kind of thing. 90% of those compliments arefrom women, women to women. And this is. Thisis a joy. One of my speeches that I've not written yet, but Iwill, is about the hidden. The hiddenfreedoms of being a woman. The freedoms that youdon't know that you have becauseyou're in it. You can't see it. And thatis one of the freedoms. Freedom to be able tonot have to do it all, not have to know all theanswers, you know, to be able to. To be allowed tolet someone do something for you. You know, hold a door,carry your car battery or your gas bottle or open the cardoor. You know, these are. There'salso other freedoms like the freedom to touchwithout necessarily meaning anything, and the freedom to walkdown the street without people crossing to the other side because. Becauseyou're scary, you know, so the freedom to be a safe person, to bearound. I love these freedoms, but they arenot, by and large, visible to people. Thefreedom to be emotional, to cry.
Bobbi Barringtonguest
These. I think these are important, important freedoms, and they shouldnot just be freedoms of women. They should be freedoms for everybody. Butyou asked me, Joanne, about the second part to that question was whatbits are harder? And this is something that's reallycome up for me lately. And Iput a post out about this, you know, a few weeks ago that you mayhave seen on Facebook. And it's about,it's about always having that little question in my head, thatlittle doubt about, about thatworthiness, you know, because, because I so want to be whatI can't be. I so can't be a CIS woman. Iso can't have that same kind ofanatomy and,and I wish I did. I think it's a, a lot to do withanatomy, actually. But also,
Bobbi Barringtonguest
I don't have 60 years of livedexperience of, of living as a woman. You know, the ups and downs of it,you know, the highs and lows, you know, like,I just haven't, you know, I, I obviously neverhad the opportunity to have, have a child of my own orbreastfeed or any of those things. They are not the thing so much. But rightnow it's self acceptance. I went tothe doctor the other day andI had to have a blood test and I had a prostate test. And shequestioned, how come you're having a prostate test, you're a woman? AndI said, actually, I'm a trans woman. And I kind of resent having to saythat. I kind of resent having to out myselfand explain myself and, you know, the fingerprints of mylife that still sit over me and it's, and I findit embarrassing, you know, when I have togo, go there and I still have to go there from time to time andI, and I don't like it, you know, and I'mreally fortunate that I can be inwomen's spaces naked in a room full of like atemple of women. And I'm a, and I'm a chick and you can'ttell with me. And I am so delighted by that thatthey're still this little question in my head, youknow, am I fully accepted? Am I
Joanne Lockwoodhost
good enough? Do I pass the test? What do people think of me?Yeah, the imposter syndrome. When am I going to get discovered andcast out? Yeah, and it's never happened, you know, all
Bobbi Barringtonguest
of the evidence, the evidence has beenquite the opposite. The evidence has been ofbeautiful acceptance. Beautiful. Likethe women in my world, they know that I'm trans and Iswear that they forget most of the time, youknow, and, you know, when I, when I talk about My ex, you know, peoplesay, oh, like your husband, you know, andit's just like she's a chick, ex's, her husband, youknow, and they, and they, and it's like so affirming it. Andeven my voice, you know, like I listen to myvoice as a recording and I feelI hear my old gender in it. Other peoplenever, never say anything about that. Even when I talk on thephone, they know there's a woman on the phone.So it's me. It's nothing to do with anyone outside of me. It'sall, all internal. It's all me and my selfbelief.
Joanne Lockwoodhost
Yeah, I definitely went through phases over thelast 10, 11, 12 years since I transitioned, whereyou're judging yourself more critically than anybody else would ever, I think.And I don't know when or exactly the timescale what happenedwas one day I was just, maybe I stepped over a lineand I stopped caring or stopped being hyper aware or stoppedworrying about what I look like, what I sound like, whatever.So I realised that everybody's looking at everybody and everyone's judgingeach other. And most people actually care more about themselves than they do about anybodyelse. Once you realise that nobody really gives a damn about you thatmuch, you just go, okay, I just get up, get on withmy life and it's okay. And that gives you a bit of freedom as well.When you find that hopefully one day you'll have that epiphany where you go, hey,I haven't thought about that phrase. It's good. Yeah. Like, this issue
Bobbi Barringtonguest
is by no means exclusive totrans people or us. Like, so many women have bodyshame, so many women can't look in the mirror. So manywomen and men, you know, men have this as well, youknow, like it's a human thing andit just happens to be my journey. But that, that was your question about, youknow, what are the bits that I felt a little bit and,and it's, it's getting better and better and I work on it and Ireframe and you know, one of the things I say is tell a better storey.Like the realities that we create through the beliefsthat we have and the storeys that we tell ourselves, we got the pen inour hands. We get to write the storeys of our lives.You know, tomorrow is not preordained. Nothing ispreordained. We get to write the damn thing, tell a better storey.
Joanne Lockwoodhost
It's a fresh piece of toilet paper that we can wipe with or flushit or put on the shelf. Yeah. Sojust the truth. We can rewrite whatever we want for the future. Yeah, don't get
Bobbi Barringtonguest
me started. Don't get me started on toilet paper. I use likefour times as much as I ever used to. Yeah, tell me about it. Tell
Joanne Lockwoodhost
me about it. Yeah, I could go days without using toilet paper. Now it'slike six sheets every six sheets every two hours. It's like.Yeah. And tissues. I never used to use tissues. I used to have hankies. NowI've got tissues in every pocket. Every time I go do a put thewashing load on, I have to empty the pockets out of tissues. And it's like.Well, you end up with like, oh, God, I've been tissued. It's sort of fullup machine again. It
Bobbi Barringtonguest
really is a joy and I am so delighted because, you know, if Ihadn't taken this path, then I might not well be here,you know, because I was so sad about stuff, but.And I haven't seen my children for six years. You know, they don't talk tome anymore. And, you know, but you know, like,I have never been happier. I'm having fun. And yeah, it's sad
Joanne Lockwoodhost
that you have to make a choice sometimes between your family, friendsor life. Yeah. Your socialcapital, you almost have to trade that in. It's like, it's about playing Texasholding poker. You've got to put all your. You got to go all in onyour chips and. But I wouldsacrifice everything to get what you want. But I would rather
Bobbi Barringtonguest
send a message of making a choice to be authentic andhappy rather than stay in a relationship that was loveless anddidn't, you know, like, was miserable. I would want themto do that every, you know, like every day of the week. Mychildren, I would, I would rather theylearn to walk away from something that didn't fulfilthem and make better choices for their lives. One life.We get one life, one time on this planet. One shotat joy and happiness andlove. And then it's gone. SoI can live it. I heard someone say, someone says recently, you know,
Joanne Lockwoodhost
people often say, you have one life, you've got to live it. So you onlylive once. You've got to live it. And someone turned around, said, no, you actuallyonly die once. You live every day. So that'swhat we should be doing. You only live once, though. We live everyday. Go out there and as you say, it's a blank sheetof paper. You can make your life whatever age you are.
Bobbi Barringtonguest
I don't think I was living every day. I think I was dying every day,you know, for a long time. And now I'm not. How do
Joanne Lockwoodhost
people get. How do people get a hold of you, then? What's the best wayof keep tracking you down? So I'm Bobbi
Bobbi Barringtonguest
Barrington, and that's B O B B I, Bobbi Barrington.And I like Bobbi. I think it's a great name.
Joanne Lockwoodhost
I think Bobbi's cute. So on. On LinkedIn,we've got a website. LinkedIn is Bobbi Barrington. On
Bobbi Barringtonguest
Instagram is Bobbi Barrington. And my website isbobbybarrington.com and Iwish someone nicked Bobbi Barrington on Facebook, which is mostunkind, but it's BobbiGirl1, which.Which I have there. But I'm sure if you search for Bobbi Barrington, you'll findme, you know, andflick me the message and I'll get that how tofeel alive again thing over to you. I was just looking
Joanne Lockwoodhost
at the. The show notes. Just pick out a couple of quotes inthere. You said, I don't want anyone else to live a life that isn't trulytheirs. And then my why is simple.Because nobody should have to live a life that isn't their truth. That's very powerful.
Bobbi Barringtonguest
But we do. We do, because that life is familiar,that life feels safe. That life we've createdto protect ourselves, and it serves. And even though we might hateit, we are addicted to it and we love it. And this is whatthe coaching is about. It's helping bridge a life from wheresomeone is to where they want to go. Andholding their hands through those steps. You can't see the steps.You don't know the way. You can't see what you can't see.But this is me. I hold your hand, I walk withyou, and we do epicshit together. Boom. And
Joanne Lockwoodhost
on that note, Bobbi, it's been absolutely fantastic having a chat with youfor. I love these podcasts because it means I get to have a chat withsome fantastic people, you included. And we spent an hour and a half togetherjust yakking away, and it's been amazing. Thank you so much. Andif you're listening, I'm sure you'll take something away from this. So, Bobbi,thank you. Thanks, Joanne. Thank you for doing what you do.
Joanne Lockwoodhost
As we bring this conversation to a close, I want to expressmy deepest gratitude to you, our listener, for lendingyour ear and heart to the cause of inclusion.Today's discussion struck a chord. Consider subscribing toInclusion Bites and become part of our ever growing community,driving real change. Share this journey with friends, family andcolleagues. Let's amplify the voices that matter.Got thoughts, storeys or a vision to share? I'm allears. Reach out tojo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.ukand let's make you your voice heard. Until next time, thisis Joanne Lockwood signing off with a promise to return withmore enriching narratives that challenge, inspire andunite us all. Here's to fostering a more inclusive world one
In this episode of The Inclusion Bites Podcast, Joanne explores the theme of “Resilience Through Reinvention”, inviting listeners to consider their own capacity for transformation in later life. The conversation with Bobby is a compelling examination of embracing authenticity, navigating emotional growth, and finding genuine happiness against a backdrop of profound personal change. Together, Joanne and Bobby discuss the power of self-invention, experiencing life on your own terms, and the courage it takes to challenge internal and societal narratives. The episode also examines practical aspects of transition, the role of emotional vocabulary, and the significance of having open, emotionally intelligent communities—reminding us that reinvention is not just possible but vital for fulfilment and a sense of belonging.
Bobby Barrington is a wisdom coach and passionate advocate for personal reinvention, emotional intelligence, and inclusive spaces. Now based in Queensland after an international journey that’s taken her from London to France and back to Australia, Bobby draws from her lived experience as a trans woman who began her transition in her sixties. Her story encompasses loss, bravery, and ultimately, jubilation in being unapologetically authentic. Through her own reinvention, she has transformed pain into power and fear into fuel, inspiring others—especially those navigating major life changes—to find new possibilities and unlock potential whatever their age or background. Bobby’s coaching work centres on supporting others through transitions, bridging the gap between self-doubt and self-trust, and modelling what it means to live fully and joyfully.
The episode’s key takeaway is the liberating realisation that a new, authentic life can be crafted at any stage, provided we challenge our own narratives and remain open to growth. Listeners will be inspired by Bobby’s example to “tell a better storey” for themselves and embrace reinvention not only as a possibility, but as a path to deeper happiness and inclusion.
The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Inclusion Bites, SEE Change Happen Ltd or Joanne Lockwood. This episode is shared for general interest and discussion; we accept no responsibility for the accuracy or completeness of any statements made.
